25 posts tagged “qotd” (page 2)

Tell us a true (screw that) story that proves it really is a small world after all. 
Submitted by havybeaks.

One day Earth and Mars were hanging out.  Earth was pretty depressed because it was feeling fat that day.  There was a lot of gas swirling about inside its atmosphere, carbon dioxide and all sorts of stuff.  So Earth was bloated and a little warm. 
Mars was its usual self, kind of cold and suffering from a mottled complexion.  After a few minutes of lukewarm conversation, Mars noticed that Earth just wasn't its usual self.
"What's the problem, neighbor?  You're usually so full of life!"
Earth sighed.  Somewhere in Kansas, a trailer park was obliterated.
"Mars, tell me the truth:  Am I an elephant?  Am I just a big fat porker?"
Mars assumed a wary posture.  In its long history, it had learned never to answer that sort of question glibly. 
"Earth, honey.  Don't even think that!  You are one of the smallest planets in the solar system!  And you have so much going on right now, who cares if you pack on a few million tons of greenhouse gases?  I'd kill for a little bit of your global warming!"
This didn't have the desired effect.  Earth sniffled a little bit and cried softly.  Several Australians died in flash floods.
"That's easy for you to say, you're smaller than me."
Hearing this, Mars quickly changed tack.
"Why don't we take a little stroll, Earth?  It'll do you good."
The two planets drifted a little bit, taking in the sights of the solar system.  They traveled along the asteroid belt for a ways, tossing rocks only to watch as eons later gravity swung them into the face of Venus.  Mars snickered, churning up massive dust storms on its face.  Earth smiled a little bit as Venus began venting its perfectly coiffed atmosphere.
Suddenly, Mars said, "Let's hop over the belt...it'll be awesome!"
Earth didn't require much convincing, as it was still very much in the dumps.  The two planets made it most of the way over without incident, but then a rock the size of Rhode Island smacked Mars in the South Pole.  It dispersed frozen water in the icecaps over most of the southeastern hemisphere.  Mars uttered a mild oath as the two planets came to rest on the other side. 
"I've never been here," said Earth.
"Me neither," Mars said...but it had heard things from passing comets about the planets on the other side of the belt.
"You know Earth, you shouldn't worry so much about your mass.  You are the most hospitable, bio-diverse planet in the system.  Nobody else has as much raw potential as you do.  Even if you do put on some tonnage, I bet you that you'll still be the one all the life forms gravitate towards.  Speaking of gravity..."
At this Mars gestured to the object of their journey.  There sat Jupiter: corpulent, gargantuan Jupiter.  This gluttonous gasbag was several hundred times the size of Earth, by rough estimate.
"At least you don't look like that!"

What time is your alarm clock set for?  Do you use the snooze button?

Alarm is set for 6 am.  I do not usually get up at 6.  The alarm serves to rouse me from deep sleep to lighter sleep, from which I have no trouble waking myself.

The Snooze Button is such a superfluous device.  If I do not wish to get up with my alarm, I have the guts to push that off button and sleep, by gum!  I always try to be decisive, even in laziness. 

What story from your wild-and-crazy youth would nobody believe about you today?

Actually...most of my stories are pretty believable for people who know me.

My wild and crazy youth was not too much of either.  I mean, I never did any death-defying stunts or fought anybody.  Most of the time, I was just a young idiot who thought he was clever.

I don't even swear anymore.  Unless I'm on the work site and hit my finger with a hammer and blood flies everywhere while I'm trying to nail in those damn hurricane clips that should have been put on before the roof, but now I have to hammer at a stupid angle and it takes forever and the nails bend and won't drive in anyway cause they are galvanized, and this is only the first one...

No, I am hoping my crazy youth is still in front of me.  It's not looking up.  Walter Mitty and I will be hanging out one day.

If a waiter stopped by right now to take your order, what cocktail or drink are you having?

Cape Codder. 

Vodka, Cranberry juice, and a lime.  Don't forget my lime or I throw the drink in your face.  I will at least keep the tip.

Some people think the Cape Codder is a girly drink.  Well, it's not.  It's refined and simple, from the days when men would come home and get hammered before dinner.  This was the 1950s. 

To hell with your judgments upon my drink.

Do you know any war veterans?
Submitted by Fightin' 6th Marines.

Yes.  My grandfathers (one living) both served in hot wars.  I also work with a Vietnam veteran who has taught me to wake up at 6 am.  Today, he called me and asked me what I was doing for Memorial Day.  I hadn't really made plans since I'm not really plugged into the community, but he suggested that I accompany him to a Memorial Day program at the Civic Center.  I agreed, and it was brief but quite sufficient.  It doesn't take much to tell someone thanks. 

If you could pick a cartoon world to live in, which would it be?  Why?
Submitted by Scio, Scio.

I suppose I should answer this question, since I asked it.

When I was in third grade, the X-Men comic was made into a cartoon series.  It was perhaps the best cartoon I ever saw in the years when such things mattered.  I remember my imagination being fired by the thought that one day I might wake up and just have mutant powers. 

There was a recurring dream I had wherein I was the winged mutant Angel.  I would find myself in a homely looking factory/house, in a state of disrepair.  However, with the certainty of dreams I knew it to be my base.  Over many nights I had the same dream in which I flew out of my base through a smokestack in the factory.  I would soar out into the sky and then wake up. 

This was different from my other flying dreams, which took place on sidewalks and in the hallways of my house.  Flying in those dreams was a supreme effort, and resulted in more of a controlled float.  It was almost as if I swam through air that was the consistency of molasses.

But the X-Men dream was one that stuck with me.  I would choose to live in the X-Men cartoon world, where Wolverine could be counted on to roar with angst and Cyclops could dependably act the Boy Scout.  Beast would utter "Oh my stars and garters" with never annoying frequency.  Morph would show up every once in a while and screw with people.

Which reminds me, I used to practice flexing the muscles in my face to make it look like I had morphed.  I was convinced mutant powers were an inevitability...

But yes, I think that was my favorite cartoon as a kid. 

That or the werewolf episode of Batman.  Oh man.

Do you have a sixth sense?  How do you experience it?

You know what, don't think I'm weird but I have dreams of really mundane stuff, and then it'll happen a month or two later.  It's really just deja vu, I'm sure, but I swear it's been happening since I was a kid.  I never quite notice when it's going on until I realize I know pretty much what the person is going to say next.

No, I think that in reality I may have empathy of varying degrees and that helps me relate better to people.  I don't actually believe in all that sixth sense garbage.

What are the weirdest song titles in your playlist or music collection?
Submitted by Charline.

Enniskillen Fusiliers -- The Wolfe Tones
Binky the Doormat -- REM
New Test Leper -- REM again
E-Bow the Letter -- REM yet again...strange.
A Tendency to Start Fires -- Bush
Orangutan Face -- Chris Merrit/Upperville
Stealing Babies -- Our Lady Peace
Potato Girl -- Our Lady Peace
Killboy Powerhead -- Offspring
Emenius Sleepus -- Green Day

I am not a huge music lover. 

What will be your famous last words?
Submitted by ngocaroo.

"Stand back, I know what I'm doing."

This is silly.  My last words will probably be something famous like, "I can't reach the toilet by myself" or "I'm pretty sure you cut the green wire."  Really, anyone who plans out their last words has got a hard lesson in store for them. 
Think about it.
You are dying.  You know you are dying, and you have this Awesome set of last words.  You're worried you won't live long enough to get them out, so you say them.  But then you don't die right afterwards!  So it's like 6 hours later and you are starving, but you can't ask for a sandwich or anything because what if you died after that??  Waste of time!  So what do you do, pretend you are comatose until you really kick off?  That could be days if you jumped the gun.  And you're hungry now! 

In all honesty, if anyone were to care about my last words I would just say what Pancho Villa said:
"Tell them I said something."

Who was your first celebrity crush?
Submitted by Glory.

What?  You mean which celebrity did I find immensely attractive and get all with the fantasy and such?

Hard to say.  I seem to remember being more attracted to the characters certain actresses portrayed rather than the women themselves.  As a younger man, I liked the scenes where these women would be heartbroken by a callous man and be too shocked to cry.  Heartless, I know, and a tad bit disturbing, but those sorts of scenes tapped into my primitive "Kill Man What Hurt Da Girl" pathos.  I enjoyed holding myself to a higher standard than their object of affection had.  I was a strange boy with few friends...

Currently, I find Mary McDonnell striking.  Donnie Darko's mom, yes.  President Roslin, yes.  I don't know what it is.  There is no prurient interest such as might be had with a Scarlett Johanssen or Jessica Alba, not that they do much for me.  I just like to watch McDonnell on screen.  I think it's her voice. 

So few friends...